álcool 

Hey, it's me, a (não mais tão rara) aru bêbada.

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bastante orgulhosa do quão bonitos tão os meus cartões de memorização de japonês

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Today’s card is The Sun, wishing you warmth and optimism, and a new start. It’s a day to look at things with fresh eyes

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bastante orgulhosa do quão bonitos tão os meus cartões de memorização de japonês

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today I learned about biangbiang noodles. which.

this is actually interesting and not about food. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biangbia

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I ended up buying shapez.io on a whim and it is really fun. I've played already... more hours than I should of it and if you like factorio and similars this is a really neat game!

I"ll keep accepting suggestions if you have any and I'll be adding then to my list tho.

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asking for game recommendation: something like the settlers :boost_ok: 

Hey, somebody has recommendations for games like the settlers (that is not widelands)?

I really love games, where you have to manage production and transportation and there are loads of interconnecting systems to handle. Not necessary that settlers like because Rimworld falls on the same category for me (but Rimworld only dev is an asshole and that really turned me off).

And dwarf fortress is way too complicated and with way too little UI for me.

:boost_ok:

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On "finding out" you're trans, my personal experience; what now?; mentions of violence, dysphoria 

I'm a non-binary woman in the sense that I don't really fit (or want to) fit in the gender binary. Like, i have a beard, I don't think I'll ever want to fully get rid of it (and I fucking love women with beard) and there is lots of things I have to think about.

For instance, i'd really like to change some of my presentation, clothes, manerisms and all, and I'd really like to be that kind of person that when people look at they go "what the fuck is going on" but I don't really wanna shed all of my "I look like a man" presentation because it is way, way safer. I mean, I don't live in a great place for a black man but it is worse for black women and brasil has one of the highest murder rate for trans women.

And I can't really do anything while living with my parents because they'd flip the fuck out (my father is a pastor).

Luckily I don't really experience physical dysphoria at all so that's is not something that bothers me too much.

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On "finding out" you're trans, my personal experience; trauma, I guess 

I mean, I kinda know why it took so long tho.

Besides all the transmisoginy and everything from everywhere, one thing that happened that I didn't figured out that affected me so much was that when I first started coming to terms with it, some 10+ years ago, I said to a person who is (was? it is complicated) very close to my heart that I was "black, not straight and probably not cis either" and they responded with "well, try being any of those things in the open" and I just shut it all out for a... few (many) years. That is really a fucking shit thing to say to someone in whatever the fuck situation (and how i'd not be fucking black in the open?)

anyway, yeah

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On "finding out" you're trans, my personal experience 

One thing that happened while I was away is that I finally came to terms with me being a trans (non binary) woman.

Which I find really funny because for as long as I can remember:
- I always only been able to connect to women and women characters
- every time I'd have to create a character for me to play i'd create a woman without even thinking about it
- I always felt really upset whenever anybody would say stuff like "since you're a boy/man" and similar

One specific thing I just remembered is that I was really really upset when I found out there was a version of harvest moon that you could play as a girl (the psx one that I played more hours than anybody should), like upset enough to never play the game again.

Anyway, good for me figuring that out. Hahaha

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Today’s card is the Six of Pentacles, wishing you opportunities for mutual aid today, weather it’s giving, or receiving, or both

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solidão, negativo 

sexta passada a terapeuta perguntou sobre a ex que nunca foi e eu fiquei pensando desde então. Tudo desandou (sono, apetite) no final de semana e eu só fui perceber que foi por causa disso tipo na terça.

eu acho que no final das contas eu percebi que o relacionamento com ela realmente é abusivo. Sim, ela se importa comigo e tem um carinho por mim que nunca senti mais ninguém ter mas aí mesmo tempo tem muita coisinha desagradável e ruim que ela fez comigo que eu simplesmente deixo pra lá, coisas que eu não aceitaria em um relacionamento com qualquer outra pessoa. Não é nada muito sério, sabe? Mas são coisas que tão lá. O negócio que rolou na virada do ano, por ex, com certeza seria algo que me faria correr de qualquer outra pessoa mas no caso dela eu fico me perguntando se isso é o certo e tal e… Eu acho que isso é um problema.

No final das contas eu vou realmente amar ela pra sempre mas não tem o que eu fazer sobre. Vou ficar com esse buraco no meu peito e preciso aprender a viver o resto da minha vida com ele.

E não é um negócio de “aí, ela é meu amor verdadeiro, a única pra mim” por que esse buraco não é sobre isso. Não sei exatamente o que é, mas não é sobre isso. Hahhaha

sarcasmo 

como eu amo um serviço que eu uso ficar matando features que eu uso. ugh

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corrupção se letra de música com putaria; menciona sexo 

to sozinha aqui, tenho medo de fantasma. que tal sentar na minha cara?

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menciona nudez 

Um dom que tenho: ver pessoa aleatória na global e reconhecer na hora que é uma pessoa que posta nudes e ir no perfil dar uma olhada

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